Dear World Leaders,
You may not know this, but here in the United States we have this thing called “Public Radio”. It is supposed to be commercial free (although if you pay them, they will say your name on the air), and supported primarily through donations from listeners. Instead of asking for donations 365 days a year (which they do anyways), they spend two weeks of the year blasting a phone number (888-258-9866) and a website address (michiganradio.org) through our ears to the point in which we, collectively, want to shove an icepick through our eye and end it all. Conversely, we turn the radio to a different station or listen to our MP3 players for a good week or so.
How, you may ask, does this concern you? Well, I pretty much only get my news through this public radio outlet, which means that I have no idea what is going on in the world. Every once in a while, while driving in my car I will switch over to 91.7 on the old FM dial (888-258-9866 – oh God, please make is stop!!!!) and quickly turn the station back to something less wretched (even beer commercials are better than this!) I severely miss my news, and it would pain me to know that the world was actually doing something interesting during this, oh so unpleasant, week.
So, I am imploring you, as one of the powerful people in the world, to take a vacation this week. Please do not continue to invade other countries or lose one of your airplanes over the South China Sea (Where is it???? Will we ever find out??? I have to check…. 888-258-9866…. nooooooo!!!!!!) or anything else that might make the Friday News Round-up.
An NPR SuperFan
You guys are missing a unique opportunity. Pretty much all hard-core liberals that exist are taking a vacation from their news outlet this week, due to the horror which is the Spring Drive on National Public Radio. If you had any sense at all, you would use this time to railroad through the system any conservative policies that you want. Liberals would not find out about these for at least a full week. Imagine those tree-huggers surprised “driveway moment” when they hear that Social Security was slashed or the minimum wage was reduced! If I were you (which I am glad that I am not – with an 11% approval rating), I would take full advantage to this situation right now! Even if Scott Simon were to report in this dramatic turn of events, no one would ever know!
Please stop. My ears are bleeding.