It has been a long time since I have written anything. I guess I am pretty cyclical in these things.
A lot of stuff has been happening in my life. Some of it good.
I run a lot now. I find that it is extremely meditative. I am not entirely certain what meditation is supposed to be, but I think that I do it while I run. Thoughts flitter in and out of my brain like butterflies. I feel like I am processing all of the things that are going on in my life. Just thinking and letting go. Thinking and letting go.
One of the major things that I think about almost every day is the state of politics right now. It is so unbelievably upsetting. I don’t want to talk about politics because it makes me too angry. I stopped going onto Facebook, specifically because all I feel is rage. My solution that I keep thinking of is to make pictures that are gross simplifications of arguments with witty hashtags (i.e., hire models and pose them doing not so great things). Or, this morning I thought about making an ordered list of things that republicans care about most (with unborn babies, guns, the flag, tax cuts, and unbroken solders at the top, and broken soldiers and black men at the bottom – you get the idea), but I never do this stuff. It is yet another step toward dehumanizing the other side. It also won’t convince anyone of anything, since it is just aimed at either making democrats laugh or making republicans angry (shamed? Not a chance.) So, there is no point.
I keep coming back to that – there is no point. There is no point to writing.
It doesn’t even help me anymore either. You see, I spend an ungodly amount of time actually writing. I write reports and proposals and letters and e-mails. I am drained by all of the writing. I want to write for myself, because I love to write. But, I can’t. I don’t have anything to say but political bullshit, and I am so beaten down at work with writing garbage, that I don’t have the energy to write at home.
So, what to do? I honestly don’t know. My life has changed a lot in the last year. I don’t know what is going to happen. But, I don’t want to give up what I love doing. I just don’t know how to do it anymore.
Maybe, instead of letting thoughts flitter in and out of my brain while I am running, I will try to hold on to some of them and foster them. I will try to breathe some life into them and grow them into something that I can write about. Hopefully not political bullshit, but maybe a little of that. I don’t know. I will try to be neutral, if I do. Or at least not too biased.
Anyways. I have to get back to packing up. Did I mention that I am moving in less then a month? Like I said, things have changed a lot.
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